


A Series of Chilling Events

by aspiringaspie



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Be More Chill au, F/M, One Shot, Seizures, basically 'the squip enters' scene, but he sorta comes back?, but it's asoue characters, oh and lemony's dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-23 01:05:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17673473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspiringaspie/pseuds/aspiringaspie
Summary: Olaf knew he'd never be able to impress his longtime crush, Kit Snicket, considering his status at his school, his personality...pretty much everything about himself. With the help of a grey, oblong pill, however, perhaps he could turn everything in his unfortunate life around.(Or: the Be More Chill AU that no one asked for.)





	A Series of Chilling Events

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about this AU for a while, so...here it is! This is just a one shot, but if people want more, I might make it a whole fic??
> 
> Characters:
> 
> Count Olaf as Jeremy Heere
> 
> Jacques Snicket as Michael Mell
> 
> Kit Snicket as Christine Canigula
> 
> Dewey Denouement as Jake Dillinger
> 
> Fernald as Rich
> 
> And Lemony Snicket as...a surprise.

Olaf shifts in his seat at the table, staring around nervously at the other customers in the mall food court. He shouldn’t be doing this. He  _really_  shouldn’t be doing this. This whole thing really is a bad idea. What had he been thinking when he spoke to Fernald in the bathroom that day? The guy was probably having some kind of breakdown.

Yet, here it sits in his hand. The grey, oblong pill, which supposedly holds the answers to all of his questions. Fernald has called it the “SQUIP,” a supercomputer that  _implants_  itself in one’s brain, to help one act cool. Not like the freak that Olaf is now. The kind of  **freak** who sets things on fire in his spare time, the kind who still mourns the death of his friend…

“Hey, man.” The voice of the oldest Snicket sibling, Jacques, breaks Olaf from his thoughts, his fingers closing around the supposed SQUIP.

Olaf grins nervously at his best friend, biting his lip as the man sets down a bottle of Mountain Dew in front of them. The pair stare at the soda for a moment. The man who’d sold them the pill — at a fucking  _Payless_  of all places — had instructed Olaf to swallow it with Mountain Dew to activate it.  _Weird_.

“Well,” Olaf sighs, holding the pill out for Jacques to see, “I hope you’re worth four hundred dollars.”

“Four hundred and  _one_ ,” Jacques points out, gesturing to the green soda. The attempt at lightening up the mood fails, Olaf’s nerves not settling for a moment.

“If this is real…my whole  _life_  could change.” Olaf takes a deep breath, turning the SQUIP over in his palm. “We should split it—“

“No, no,” Jacques shakes his head. This isn’t about the both of them, this is about  _Olaf_. This is his life changing for the better. “I don’t think it works that way. Besides, when you’re cool, I’m sure you’ll find a way to owe me.”

The taller teen offers a small smirk, heart racing as he unscrews the cap from the bottle, picking the drink up in his other hand. “Alright. Here goes nothing.”

In a flash, the pill is in his mouth, and he’s washing it down with the Mountain Dew. The taste isn’t bitter, though swallowing it leaves him with a… _strange_  feeling. There is no noticeable change, not yet, and Olaf sets the soda back on the table.

“How’s it taste?” Jacques asks, watching his friend with bated breath.

Olaf smacks his lips. “ _Minty_.”

Tense silence. Nothing happens. Shouldn’t Olaf be cocky now, know how to easily smooth talk anyone he comes across?

“You feel any different?” the Snicket asks, his legs bouncing in anticipation, trying to remain hopeful. “Maybe try saying something cool?”

“I think I just blew my bar mitzvah money on a Wintergreen Tic-tac.”

The duo’s hearts sink, Olaf leaning back into his chair, staring at the floor, while Jacques lets out a long exhale. “Yeah… _not_  cool.”

Feeling absolutely foolish, the ginger leans over the table top, burying his face in his hands. All of this just to improve his life. Make himself feel like maybe he isn’t a failure, impress Kit. If she didn’t see him as the weird, gangly pyromaniac, maybe she’d want to be around him.

“Please, leave me alone to wallow in my own self-pity,” Olaf groans, and his words are just so typically  _Olaf_  that Jacques can’t help the roll of his eyes.

Still, he stands and pats the other on the back, offering him some sort of moral support. “Five minutes. I’ll be in Spencer’s.”

Olaf just nods, and once Jacques is out of sigh, he removes his hands and presses his forehead down into the table. If only he could curl up in a ball and disappear, maybe everything would be alright. It isn’t as if anyone would notice he’s gone. Not his father, not Kit, not even  _Jacques_ —

“…shouldn’t we be meeting the rest of the cast?”

The sound of Kit’s voice causes Olaf to sit upright. Eyes widening, he turns to the source of the voice to see Kit…with  **Dewey Denouement**. And Olaf  _knows_  why he’s brought her here. Not to meet anyone from the cast of the play that she’s putting on. No, they’re here on a  _date_.

Pushing back his chair, Olaf gathers all the courage inside of him and stands. “ _Kit!_ ”

The Snicket girl gasps at the familiar voice, turning her attention from Dewey to see the ginger, the son of the famed Count and Countess. She’s shocked to see him here, though not displeased at all. As for Dewey, he would much rather be alone with the girl who he plans on making his.

“Olaf!” Kit laughs. “I didn’t see you there!”

Dewey snorts, squeezing the hand of his soon-to-be-girlfriend. “Yeah, you’re kind of hard to notice. Anyway, like I was  _saying_ —“

“ _Wait!_ ” Olaf attempts to intervene, desperate. This is his last chance. If there is no SQUIP to help him, then he  _must_  face this head-on. “There’s something I need to tell you!”

The Denouement triplet scowls at the poor excuse for competition, pulling Kit closer to him. “ _ **Now?**_ ”

Olaf’s chest tightens as he sees the two together, sees how Dewey is holding her. He’s  _so much_  better than him. So much better for  _her_ , and Olaf is a fool to think he’d ever have a chance, isn’t he?

“I…I…”

Then it all comes crashing down.

An intense pain shoots up Olaf’s spine, causing him to seize up and fall to his knees, a cry in  ** _anguish_**  tearing itself from his mouth. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he can hear an unfamiliar voice speaking to him…

_TARGET FEMALE: INACCESSIBLE._

Kit’s jaw drops in horror, and she wrenches herself away from Dewey, kneeling down to Olaf’s side, unsure of what to do. “ _Olaf?!_ ”

“ ** _AH!_** ” he yelps, falling onto all fours as his body trembles violently, the pain similar to being burned alive. “W-What the  _hell_ -?!”

_CALIBRATION IN PROCESS. PLEASE EXCUSE SOME MILD DISCOMFORT._

“ _ **MILD?!**_ ” Olaf falls to his side, curling up into a ball and moaning. He can make out two distinct voices talking, probably speaking to him, but it’s so far off in the distance:

“Olaf,  _what’s wrong_?”

“Holy shit, the  _freak’s freaking out_.”

_CALIBRATION COMPLETE. ACCESS PROCEDURE INITIATED._

As soon as the torture had come, it ends. Olaf blinks rapidly, noticing the crowd of people surrounding him, including Kit and Dewey. Quickly, he forces himself to his feet, holding his hands out in front of him to steady himself.

“Whoa, whoa…” He’s still struggling to control his breathing, and he puts a hand on his chest. “I’m  _fine_ , guys, I—“

_DISCOMFORT LEVEL MAY INCREASE._

The torture returns, the pain far, far worse than before; Olaf is  _blinded_  by the intense, indescribable agony. He doesn’t even realize that he’s screaming at the top of his lungs, nor does he feel his entire body collapsing on the tiles beneath him, convulsing violently. All he can hear is that  _voice_  as he writhes around, his head feeling as if it might explode.

_ACCESSING: NEURAL MEMORY._

_ACCESSING: MUSCLE MEMORY._

_ACCESS PROCEDURE: COMPLETE._

_OLAF…_

Finally, the pain ebbs away, leaving him panting on the floor, and as he lifts his head, he sees an unfamiliar figure appearing from out of nowhere. A man.

_Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor,_ he -  _it?_  - introduces with a grin.  _Your **SQUIP**._

Olaf wipes the tears from his eyes ( _had he been crying?_ ), staring up at the stranger — his SQUIP. The pill had really  _worked_. “You…you look like Keanu Reeves.”

_My default,_  it shrugs.  _You can also set me for: **Sean Connery** , _Jack Nicholson _, Sexy Anime Female—_

“Uh, actually,” Olaf cuts him off, that last suggestion causing him to blush, “can you change to something more…familiar?”

The SQUIP  ~~ _Keanu?_~~  blinks, placing its hands behind its back.  _Of course. Accessing memories._

A few moments pass before the SQUIP dematerializes, pixels covering its form, before fading away to reveal…

_Lemony Snicket. Your best friend?_

Olaf gulps, pulse quickening at the sight of him.  _Lemony_. He hasn’t seen him for  _so long_ …

“Yeah…Lemony’s good.”

A smirk splays across the SQUIP’s  _ ~~Lemony’s~~_  face.  _Perfect._


End file.
